Before you even start Googling attorneys, take a moment for some honest self-reflection on your case. Family law issues vary wildly—“I want to amicably split and never see my ex again” is a very different scenario from “I’m afraid for my kids’ safety and need full custody.” Understanding the nature and complexity of your situation will guide you toward the right kind of help. Here are steps to clarify what you need:
Step 1: Identify the type of family law issue you’re facing.
Is it a divorce, a child custody or support dispute, an adoption, a paternity question, a domestic violence situation, or something else (like grandparents’ visitation rights, or a relocation request)? Each type of issue has different legal standards and processes.
Example:
If you’re about to divorce, will it be contested or can you agree on most things? If it’s a custody matter, is it an initial custody determination or a modification of an existing order?
Write down in one sentence what the core legal matter is (“I want to file for divorce and get primary custody of our kids,” or “I need to modify my child support,” or “I’m considering adopting my stepchild,” etc.).
This helps pinpoint what specialization or expertise you’ll need in an attorney. Some lawyers excel at high-net-worth divorces, others shine in contentious custody battles, others focus on adoptions or abuse cases. Knowing your main issue guides your search.
Step 2: Gauge the complexity and stakes.
Ask yourself: How complicated is my situation?
Key factors that add complexity include significant assets or debts, ownership of a business, retirement accounts to divide, minor children (especially if special needs or very young), allegations of abuse or neglect, substance abuse or mental health issues, or parties living in different states or countries.
The more of these factors present, the more you likely need professional help. Also consider the relationship dynamics: Is the other party cooperative or combative? Do you fear they will hide assets or refuse to compromise? If yes, that increases the stakes. Example: Jane has been a stay-at-home mom and her husband handles all finances. She suspects he might hide money if she files for divorce. This is a high-stakes situation where Jane definitely needs a sharp lawyer (possibly one who can trace finances) to protect her rights.
Conversely, if you have a very simple case—say, no kids, almost no property, and you and your spouse already agree on everything—you might be able to handle it amicably through mediation or a DIY approach with a lawyer on standby to review paperwork. Be honest about what you stand to lose. When in doubt, err on the side of consulting a lawyer. It’s usually worth it, if only to confirm you’re not overlooking anything.
Step 3: Decide what you want to accomplish (your goals) and your preferred approach.
This sounds obvious (“I want to win, duh!”), but take a moment to define success for yourself. In a perfect world, what outcome do you want? For example: “I want joint custody with a fair schedule and not to pay more than $X in support” or “I want to keep the house and have my ex pay off our credit card debt”.
Also consider your approach: Do you value speed and peace over getting every last penny? Are you willing to compromise on some things to avoid a trial? Or is this a hill you’re prepared to die on? Knowing this will help you choose a lawyer whose style matches your needs. Some lawyers are very aggressive litigators who will fight tooth and nail (great if you need that; not so great if you just need a steady facilitator for a settlement).
Others are more cooperative or mediation-minded. Example: If your situation is relatively amicable and you’d prefer to keep it that way, you might seek a lawyer skilled in collaborative divorce (a process where both sides agree to negotiate without going to court).
On the other hand, if you anticipate a war—say your ex has already hired a pit bull attorney or has threatened to “take the kids and everything” —you’ll want a lawyer known for toughness in court. Also, assess your own comfort with legal processes.
If you’re someone who gets anxiety attacks at the thought of speaking in court or filling out forms, that’s a sign you’ll want a lawyer to handle as much as possible.
If you’re more confident and just need limited help (like reviewing a settlement agreement you and your ex wrote yourselves), then your needs are different.
Write down your top priorities (“protect the house,” “ensure I get time with kids on weekends,” “stay safe from my abusive ex,” etc.) and keep them handy when consulting lawyers.
Got your priorities straight? Great! You’re nearly there! Check the following article for the last 2 crucial steps before you go searching.