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How Does a PRO Find and Evaluate the Right Family Lawyer ?(Step-by-Step 1/2)

April 13, 2025
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Okay, you’ve determined you need a lawyer (or at least that it’d be a really good idea). How do you actually find the right one? There are thousands of family attorneys out there. They’re not all equal, and the outcome of your case can hinge on picking a competent, ethical, and compatible lawyer for your needs. Here’s a detailed the first three steps of six-step process to identify and vet potential lawyers:

Before we start, it’s highly recommended that you check all the previous articles to make sure you are prepared for this:

Step 1: Gather Referrals and Do Preliminary Research.

Start by tapping into your network and known resources. Personal referrals can be golden: if you know someone (friend, coworker, relative) who went through a similar family law issue in your area, ask if they would recommend their lawyer (or even if they heard good things about someone else). Sometimes the best attorneys don’t advertise heavily because they get plenty of business by word of mouth. If you’re not comfortable discussing your situation openly (understandable, it’s personal), or don’t know anyone who’s used a family lawyer, try professional referrals. For example, if you have a trust or estate attorney, or a business attorney for other matters, ask them – lawyers often know the reputations of specialists in their community.

You can also use your state or local bar association’s lawyer referral service. The American Bar Association (ABA) and state bar associations often have referral programs: you tell them your basic issue and location, and they provide contact info for attorneys who handle that area of law. (This doesn’t guarantee they’re great, but it’s a vetted list to start with.) Additionally, you might check online attorney directories like Avvo, FindLaw, or Martindale-Hubbell, which list lawyers by practice and geography along with client reviews and credentials. Be a little cautious with online reviews—like any reviews, they can be extreme (very happy or very angry clients). Still, if you see a pattern (“several people say this lawyer never returns calls”), take note.

Aim to compile a shortlist of maybe 3–5 lawyers to investigate further. Example: John needs a custody lawyer in Illinois. He searches the Illinois State Bar’s website and finds a family law section with a “find a lawyer” feature. He also asks a divorced colleague, who gives him two names. John checks those lawyers’ websites – one emphasizes collaborative solutions (which John likes), the other is all about high-conflict litigation (which John might avoid if his case isn’t that adversarial). This initial sweep helps John narrow down who sounds promising.

Step 2: Check Credentials and Background.

Once you have some names, do a background check on each. Key things to find out: Are they licensed and in good standing in your state? (You can usually look this up on your state bar’s website – it will show if they’ve ever been disciplined or if their license is active. If a lawyer has a history of suspensions or many client complaints, steer clear.) What is their experience level and focus? Ideally, you want someone who has significant experience in family law – not a generalist who only dabbles occasionally. Many states certify specialists in family law; if your state does and the lawyer is certified, that’s a plus. Look at how long they’ve been practicing and what percentage of their work is family cases.

Also, see if they have specific experience with cases like yours. If you have an international custody issue, a lawyer who’s handled international family law matters (like Hague Convention cases) would be important. If you are a same-sex couple with unique custody or adoption questions, look for someone LGBTQ-friendly and versed in that evolving area of law.

Read any articles or blog posts the attorney has on their site – do they seem knowledgeable? Finally, consider their reputation: you might do a quick news search to see if they’ve been involved in any prominent cases (for good or ill). And don’t forget to verify practical info: where is their office located (important if you’ll be visiting frequently), and do they practice in the court that will hear your case. (For example, if you live in one county but your case will be in another because that’s where your kids live, make sure the lawyer regularly works in that other county too.)

Step 3: Schedule Consultations (and know what questions to ask).

Most family lawyers offer an initial consultation—sometimes free, sometimes for a modest flat fee (like $100–$300). Take advantage of this to “interview” them, and don’t feel shy about it. Remember, you are the one hiring, and they are providing a service. Aim to meet (or video call) with at least two lawyers from your shortlist (three is even better, if feasible) to compare impressions.

When you go to the consultation, come prepared: bring a brief summary of your situation (you might even write a timeline or bullet points of key facts), any important documents (like a prior court order or a draft agreement or the summons you were served), and a list of questions. Good questions to ask:
1) “Have you handled cases similar to mine?” and “What was the outcome?” – You want to hear that they have relevant experience.
2) “What is your approach to cases like this?” – Are they settlement-oriented? Aggressive? This helps match their style to your preference.
3) “Who will actually work on my case?” – In larger firms, a senior lawyer might consult but a junior associate does the day-to-day work. That’s not necessarily bad (junior lawyers bill less per hour), but you should know who your point of contact is and meet them too.
4) “How do you communicate with clients?” – Will you get email updates, can you call with questions, how quickly do they respond? (Communication is critical; if a lawyer brushes off this question, red flag.)
5) “What are your fees and billing practices?” – This is crucial. Ask about their hourly rate and the upfront retainer (a deposit against which fees are billed). Also ask what other costs might come up (court fees, expert witnesses, etc.). Do they charge for every phone call and email? Get clarity so you’re not surprised.
6) “What outcomes can I reasonably expect?” – A good lawyer will give you a realistic assessment, not just tell you what you want to hear. Be wary of anyone who guarantees a specific result (“Oh, you’ll definitely get full custody, no problem”) or who instantly bashes your ex without facts – they might be just feeding into your emotions to get your business.

Look for honesty: maybe the lawyer says, “You have a strong case for custody, but I need to warn you that if XYZ comes up, it could complicate things.” That kind of candor is gold. During the consult, also judge how well they listen to you. Did the attorney give you a chance to tell your story, or did they interrupt and rush you? You want someone who pays attention—family law requires understanding a lot of personal details. Trust your gut during these meetings. If the lawyer makes you feel comfortable, answers your questions thoroughly, and shows interest in helping, that’s a great sign. If you feel patronized or like you’re just another case file to them, you might keep looking.

Can’t wait for the rest of the steps? Well, there you go!

How Does a PRO Find and Evaluate the Right Family Lawyer (Step-by-Step 2/2)